Lightly Seared On The Reality Grill

I found, on Geek Dad, this handy formula for calculating how fast a clean kids room will get messy.

• K#= The number of kids playing in the room
• KA= The average age of K#
• KB1= Is one of K# a boy between ages 6 and 13? Enter 1 for yes and 0 for no.
• KB2= Enter age of boy between 6 and 13. These are the planet’s messiest beasts.
• F= Fodder: Generally, how much junk (toys, clothes, books, reptiles, etc.) does your child’s room contain? 1-10 with 10 being Lloyd from the show Hoarders
• N= In days, the newness of any single game, toy, or book
• PE= Parental energy: 1-10 with 1 being “new baby” and 10 being “methamphetamines”
• PS= Parental strictness: 1-10 with 10 being Sir, yes sir! and 1 being Duuuude!
• T= In Fahrenheit, the temperature outdoors (add 25 “degrees” for sleddable snow)
• S= Storage: 1-10 with 10 being wire bins to the ceilings and ample closet space and 1 being bare, padded room (though let me also point out the usefulness of the latter)
• C= Percentage of occupied time in which K are using a computer, TV, game console or other screen-based entertainment

SOM is the square feet per hour that your kids’ room will collect mess that precludes passage. Max for three, 10-year-old boys with no storage, lax, exhausted parents and lots o’ stuff is 85.33 ft^2/hr and min for one, 17-year-old with strict, energetic parents, with little stuff and ample storage (on a nice day, etc.) is 0.21 ft^2/hr.

Obviously, I can’t pass a formula without plugging some numbers into it and discovered that on his own, Macsen can manage to mess a room at 2.0333 square feet per hour.

What’s really frightening is that when the twins are Macsen’s age, Macsen will be six.